I just got back from a little Europe Trip, let’s bring of the best ideas from there to here!

Forts!

Forts are cool and they attract tourists to help diversify the economy. Forget the beacons let’s build a Fort! A proper fort will take space, I propose from Crawford to California north of University Ave with a grand gateway at Campbell and other gates on Riverside to still allow through traffic. For traffic calming purposes the streets will be significantly narrowed, and sidewalk parking will be encouraged. Ten plus stories of solid stone walls, narrow interior streets, dramatic views of the waters of the Detroit river – what more could you want?

We can also bring back the canal and downtown marina idea, around the fort we need a moat and a place where tourist boats or ferries can dock. Instead of restoring Assumption Church, we should disassemble it and rebuild it on top of the fort, from which the bells could be heard for miles and miles away!

What about residents, isn’t the fort just going to take real estate during a housing crisis? Forts and walled cities can accommodate hordes of residents and tourists alike. Across Europe the solid stone foundations of the forts are built condos and other housing complexes. Even more innovative is the potential use inside the wall of the fort, apartments could be built, tiny arrow slits for windows, letting the peasants (hipsters) have a roof over their heads within granite walls. Meanwhile the walls and gates can also be used to keep vagabonds and drifters from entering the neighbourhood. The ultimate gated community right downtown!

A tangent to this, the rather silly observation tower at Malden Park from the Gordie Howe Community Benefit package (What happened to that by the way?) could be built like a medieval watch tower on a hill, to warn of attack from the highest point in the city region!

This all sounds crazy but think of the economic development and job creation it would provide. Thousands of trucks of gravel and sand, hundreds of thousands (maybe even millions) of bricks and stonework. The Port and heavy equipment operators will be employed for years. After the Bridge and Hospital where are all those construction jobs going to go? This is at least another decade of work, I’m sure!

Walking

Across Europe walking places is kind of normal, which is weird.

Cities promenades also encapsulates a great need for pedestrian space by banning cyclists from walking paths and putting cyclists on the road where they belong.

Whether or not drivers recognize cyclists need to be on the road is another question. I guess all of the bike lanes that are separated from traffic mean that drivers don’t really care for cyclists and they need protections there too… Or they could just get a car.

Transit Improvements

Based on my experience in Malta, the need to over caffeinate and chain smoke is vital skill of a bus driver. Sure the Transit Windsor driver sip their Timmy’s at the end of their route, when they should be jumping off and hammering a double shot expresso and smoking a thin cigarette outside of the transit booth at the bus terminal. Knowing that more caffeine and nicotine is waiting for them at the end of their route is great motivation to drive with reclass abandon of a F1 driver. A bus approaching a roundabout with an ambulance (lights on) coming in the opposition direction, who yields? That’s right, the ambulance! Another advantage the driver has comes from all the tourist from the Forts, Churches, etc. attract. As the routes tend to terminate at key attraction, the driver can blow past neighbourhood stops and locals as a max capacity bus filled with tourist who want to get to their neo-classical destinations over the marginal delay of stopping to let the little old lady on with her shopping.

We could also do crazy things like in Luxembourg where parking at park and rides are free at the edge of town, so people can then get onto free transit and go to their jobs or tourist attractions at the city centre. A long shadow of the WEF cabal is cast by this policy, but it seems to work.

Municipal Investment

Across Europe you see signs showing the benefit of multinational municipal investments – Parking lots, Roads, Ferry Terminals built by the EU. Why not here?

The City of Windsor has a list of twin cities, why aren’t these freeloading municipalities investing in us? You are telling me they can’t afford to pave a parking lot or fix a road for some recognition? Why doesn’t Changchun China have a parking lot paved in their honour or Lublin Poland have a park pathway? Think of how the capital deficit can be tackled if these twins paid their fair share!

I guess, if we had to, we could do something for them too, I am sure they would love to learn about Automobility or Sport Tourism!

Recycling

Those European take recycling seriously. Not only are the fines for putting out garbage on the wrong day but as a blatant tax grabs they have despots on almost every plastic and glass bottle. Not only that but then they expect me to shelp to waste bin and deposit these used bottles rather than picking them up in a box in front of my house!

You do get a receipt that you can redeem at grocery stores but that takes so much effort.

Garage-mahals

There has been lots of talk of so called “garage-mahals” in Windsor – a bigger bus garage, spots to plug in e-buses, washing bays… pfft those aren’t garage-mahals

Let’s be serious, these are Garaga-mahals. Those Europeans have the audacity to place them in the centre of their cities.

Make Peche Island Great Again

Erosion on Peche Island is a continuing problem, I think part of the challenge is we haven’t built anything out there. Look at this place some enterprising priests in like 700 built an Abby and castle on this island in the middle of a tidal basin with some of the fastest tides in the world. If they can do that, why can’t we in the Detroit River?

Think of the people who would cram on to the tour boat to go see that rather than kayak through a swampy island! Think of how popular east end beaches will be with that across the river!

One more thing

If you made it this far you probably realize that this is post is largely a parody. I don’t actually think we should build these things but things like this need to be said these days.

Beware the cats!